shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
