the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
