When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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