Porn is love you can see.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
wow bdsm is so cute
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