I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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