"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sobbing to NWA
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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