I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
