why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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