The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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