absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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