i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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