worst night to have a conscience
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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