Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
