no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
