nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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