her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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