Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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