That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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