I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
