Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
