Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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