this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize