I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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