My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
