If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
should my penis look like a turkey
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
