I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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