Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
