so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
