you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
