garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
