im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
