They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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