i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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