i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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