Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize