About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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