Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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