I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
