You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize