I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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