apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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