well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
