No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
