I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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