My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
