You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
