OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
