it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize