love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize