He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
