Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
birth control should be required to get into college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
