Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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