Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
