i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
