dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
