and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
