i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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