Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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