I just pynch a tree in the face
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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