Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
