Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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