Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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