The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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