we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
