names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
