**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
