you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
