dude i'm inner monologue high
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
