I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
