Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
