Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just sent this text using only my big toe
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize